Wednesday, March 28, 2012

I really should not have listened to the radio today.

Nope.  Nuh uh.  Bad idea.  I really should not have listened to the radio today.  Hi everyone and welcome to the pity party.  It's about to be pity-party-palooza in here.  Since my boyfriend and I broke up on February 11, 2012, I have not listened to the radio.  Maybe once or twice when someone was riding in my car, but besides that I've been avoiding it at all costs.  I can't handle music when I'm sad.  I'm so emotional that it breaks my heart everytime I hear a song that reminds me of him, or our relationship, or a song about love in general. 

I've invested in listening to audio books.  This has been working wonders!  So far I've listened to Betty White's If You Ask Me, And Of Course You Won't; Tina Fey's Bossy Pants; Twilight Saga:  Breaking Dawn; Sophie Kinsella's Mini Shopaholic ;and Ellen Degeneras' Seriously... I'm Kidding.  I drive an hour and fifteen minutes to and from work five days a week, so I'm always in my car!  Avoiding the radio is no easy task, but I love listening to audiobooks!  I've been checking them out the library to save money.  Occasionally they will have a good one on clearance at Books-A-Millions, which is where I bought Betty White.  Not only does listening to the books keep my mind off of things, they introduce me to new authors!  Always a good thing! 

Well today I was feeling brave and listened to music on my way to work.  If a song comes on that I can't handle I immediately change the station.  I love to sing in my car!  I sing awefully, but I still love it.  Anyway, one song came on and the tears started falling.  You know that song by the fray? I think it's called "Where were you?" -- yeah the really sad one, that's the one.  Well I decided to sing it and now the lyrics have been dancing around in my head all day and I've been fighting back tears literally all day at work.  Here's just a sample of some of the lyrics -

" Where were you... when everything was falling apart.
All my days... were spent by the telephone
It never rang... and all I needed was a call
That never came...


Lost and insecure... you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor... surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?... Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late... you found me, you found me.


But in the end... everyone ends up alone
Losing her... the only one who's ever known
Who I am... who I'm not and who I wanna be
No way to know... how long she will be next to me "


Yeah... so that's been replaying in my head all freaking day.  And on top of being all sad, today is my mom's birthday!  She turned 50 today, which is such a big deal and I wanted nothing more to celebrate with her but of course not, I have to work, like always.  I was able to see her for about 45 minutes before work this morning.  My sisters Ash and Sam gave her our present, tickets to the Bayou Country Super Fest in May!  Sam recorded her reaction for me, thanks so much! =) But I just hate that I have to miss family stuff like that because of work.  It really stinks.  That's just adding to the sadness I'm feeling today. 

On a lighter note (sort of), my friend Daniele told me I need to read the lyrics to Kelly Clarkson's Stronger and I'm so glad she did!  I heard it on the radio and I sang my heart out!  And it really made me feel better about the whole situation.  Here are a few lyrics from the song that I really like --

"You think you got the best of me
Think you had the last laugh
Bet you think that everything good is gone.
Think you left me broken down
Think that i'd come running back
Baby you don't know me, cause you're dead wrong.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone.
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
 Doesn't mean i'm over cause you're gone

You heard that I was starting over with someone new,
They told you I was moving on, over you,
You didn't think that I'd come back, i'd come back swinging
You try to break me but you see

Thanks to you I got a new thing started
Thanks to you I'm not the broken hearted
Thanks to you I'm finally thinking 'bout me
You know in the end the day I left was just my beginning "

Come to think of it, I might just listen to the radio some more on my way home.  I'm getting stronger every day.  =)

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